Out of the Darkness
by tropicalparadiselover4187
Summary: Arija Stokland is a pregnant teenager desperate to make a better life for her child. Thrown out on the streets by her father, she's taken in by Tony Stark and the Avengers. Then she meets Thor's tall, dark brother and her life is forever changed... Loki/OC. Rated M for language, sexual content, death, depression, and suicide attempts and ideations.
1. Prologue

Prologue

I sit at my sticker-plastered laptop and check my email. It's been almost a year since he promised he'd come for me. Every day since then I wake up clutching my pillow and calling his name as silent tears trace my cheeks. I'm wearing his old collared dress shirt, and it still smells so much like him. I remember his arms wrapped around me and the desperate tone in his voice as he told me he loved me when I was about to kill myself, the way he kissed me in the rain, the way he knew about my favorite places and darkest secrets, his wisecrack jokes and mischievous jokes…

Being in love with a god is the hardest thing I've ever done yet the best thing that ever happened.

"Loki," I whisper to my screensaver, a lone tear landing on my mouse pad. "Come back."


	2. Blemish

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this story! I spent a few weeks writing this beginning bit. Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of the characters except for Arija (pronounced like Arya). Also, please leave a review! I love the feedback. Once I get 3 reviews, I'll post the next chapter!**

Chapter One

**Two Years Earlier**

I ducked behind a dumpster as a bottle hit the wall behind me, an explosion of brick and glass showering down on me. Clattering footsteps sounded on the concrete and muffled curses filled the air.

"Stokland! Come out so I can kill you myself!" hollered Erik as I ran into the woman's shelter. I slammed the door so hard that plaster rained down from the ceiling. I sprinted down the hallway towards the kitchens, accidentally bumping into Sveta, the head cook.

"Ari, what are you doing here?" she asked. She was so used to seeing me back in the food storage, she often gave me food. A buxom woman with steely hair and a Russian accent to match, she had known me since I was disowned.

"Erik," I squeaked, my heart still pounding with adrenaline. Sveta grabbed my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She grabbed her coat and red broom and stepped out of the shelter. I looked through the window and instant regret stabbed me in the heart. My former flame now antagonist stood in front of Sveta, wearing battered jeans and his trademark leather jacket. He held a Smirnoff bottle, his brown eyes were bloodshot, hair messed up and he probably reeked of alcohol. Sveta strolled up to him and hissed, "What do you want, boy?"

Erik teetered slightly left and swung the bottle weakly at her head, but Sveta swung the broom and shattered the bottle. Shards embed themselves in his hand and he howled in pain.

"Leave her alone!" she spat viscously and for an old woman she looked downright threatening.

Erik growled, "This isn't over." Then he took a swig from his hip flask and stalked back into the alley.

Sveta came back inside and embraced me tenderly. "He won't bother you, Arichka," she whispered into my hair.

***Paragraph break***

I stared at my reflection in the mirror of the steam-filled bathroom. Every detail of me screamed out at once, begging to be acknowledged-the dark shadows under my eyes, the deep auburn of my hair, pasty skin, small breasts, scars on my arms, my protruding cheekbones, and the tattoo of angel wings on either side of my spine.

A wave of nausea hit me and I squeezed my eyes shut. I clutched my stomach as I fought down the chicken I'd eaten from a nearby Dumpster. I sat on the bench, a gentle hand on my slightly rounded stomach. The child that grew inside me was the reason why I was in the shelter and on the streets at seventeen.

I felt tears on my cheeks and wiped them away with the heel of my hand. I didn't need this right now-I had to build a life for myself and later my child. Of course, I couldn't go back to my father-he'd kicked me out after he found out I was expecting. Erik would beat me up, drink, and get high like he always did. For the umpteenth time, I wished my mom were still alive.

Shaking myself from the trance, I pulled on my baggy blue sweatshirt, ratty black jeans, and my sneakers. I put my hair up into a ponytail and tugged on a black beanie. Sveta stood outside the bathroom, handing me a plastic bag with food, toiletries, spare change of clothes, and fifty dollars. I gave her a crushing hug and a grateful smile. "Thank you so much!" She kissed my forehead and whispered, "Be safe."

I stuffed everything into my backpack and pulled my hood over my face as I set out on the streets of New York. I kept my head down and eyes fixated on the sidewalk.

Where was I going to go next? I needed to start somewhere. I couldn't go to any of my friend's places; I'd blown them off when I was with Erik. All my extended family lived on the other side of the country, and I couldn't afford a plane ticket. I could take a Greyhound, but I needed to save up the cash. I was too stubborn to keep staying at the woman's shelter. I had to do something. Then an idea struck me. I held my bag close and headed towards my dad's office.

The overbearing skyscraper that was Stark Tower loomed over the city with large illuminated letters and an ambiance of gaudiness. Ignoring the disgusted stares from the business attired workers, I stomped into the lobby.

The floors were white with an elegant golden S stenciled in front of the receptionists' desk. The huge brass chandelier hummed with energy, no doubt from the large arc reactor located in the basement below. A PA system blared announcements about the upcoming fundraising gala and other work-related shit I was too tired to care about.

In other words, the lobby was just more evidence that the one percent used their money for superfluous matters.

"I need to speak to Jason Stokland," I said to the neatly made up receptionist. She gave me a look as if I was roadkill and pursed her red lips.

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked.

"I'm his daughter."

She raised an eyebrow and checked something on her computer.

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Stokland's kid looks nothing like you. So why don't you get your crack head ass out of here before I call security?" she said sweetly.

I clenched my teeth and bolted through the security checkpoint. A few seconds later, an alarm sounded over the PA. I sprinted up the first three staircases and nearly slipped rounding the fourth. Burly footsteps marched up the stairs behind me and I regained my momentum. I was on the seventh floor before a buff security guard caught up and tackled me to the ground. I instinctively protected my belly and screamed bloody murder.

"Let me go!" I shrieked, struggling profusely as I was yanked to my feet and handcuffed.

"Charlie! What the hell is going on?"

I froze as my father ran out of a conference room, others poking their heads out as well. His eyes were green like mine and the way he carried himself was a dead giveaway that he didn't tolerate anyone's bullshit.

"Hobo got past security," Charlie mumbled. My father looked at me and stiffened.

"Arija, what the hell are you doing here?" His tone was cool and dangerous.

"Dad, I can't do it. I love it too much to get rid of it." I balled my fists and stared him down as a tear fell from my eye.

All my life I have been very pro-choice-I believe that if a woman wants to have an abortion, she should be allowed it. If she wants to keep the child, that's cool too. When I told him I was pregnant, he gave me a week to make a choice: abort the child and have a place to live or live on the streets with a baby.

"Arija, you're almost an adult-you're perfectly capable of making your own decisions and being independent. You don't need my support or anything from me." He was disgusted with me, a blemish on his otherwise flawless reputation. I was nothing more than a burden to him. He had never come to terms with my mom's death and it had shown as he became more withdrawn and reclusive.

"Take her away," he said, turning away from me as Charlie pushed me into the elevator. As soon as my father was out of sight, he looked at me with eyes full of pity.

"I have a daughter your age," he said quietly as the doors closed. "She's at Oregon State as a physics major; she's still not sure what she wants to do with her life."

He put a hand on my shoulder. "Why are you on the streets, kid? You don't seem like a huge troublemaker."

I smiled. "Well, considering I did just technically break into Stark Industries, I'd say I make occasional trouble. Why am I on the streets? I…made poor choices hung out with sketchy people, got knocked up…dad threw me out because I wanted to keep it."

He pulled out his phone. "You need help, kid."

"Well, you're not wrong."

He dialed a number and brought the phone to his ear.

"Albert? Yeah, it's Charlie. Tell your supervisor I need to meet with Mr. Stark. No, it's not Girl Scouts. Jason Stokland's kid. Arija, yeah. Right now? Okay, thanks. See ya!"

He ended the call and removed the handcuffs. He swiped his card and an automated male voice with a British accent filtered in.

"Mr. Blade, I cannot identify the individual to your right."

"This is Jason Stokland's daughter Arija."

There was a pause. "Oh, Jason's such a prick. Miss Stokland, forgive me, but your father isn't exactly…my favorite person."

I was shocked. Of course Tony Stark had come up with such intelligent AI.

"I am JARVIS, Mr. Stark's personal assistant."

"JARVIS? That's a name I haven't heard before," I replied.

"It's an acronym for…Just A Rather Intelligent System."

I snickered. "Well, that's pretty…creative."

The rest of the ride was cloaked in silence as I contemplated what would happen. I'd always admired how well Tony Stark ran his massive empire and his impressive usage of wit and sarcasm, but I'd never gotten to meet the guy. Dad talked about him with a blend of admiration and jealousy.

"He's a master of persuasion," he'd say as came home from work. "Never stops until he has the last word or gets what he wants."

The elevator stopped abruptly, yanking me out of my thoughts. Charlie led me through double doors embossed with the same cursive S in the lobby. Inside a man stood pondering the New York City skyline, doodling designs for a building on the glass. He was dressed in jeans and a simple black T-shirt.

"Sir, you have visitors," JARVIS piped up.

The man turned around, and I almost choked. His brown eyes and persona screamed witty.

"Well, is this the girl?" Tony Stark asked.


	3. Play it Safe

**A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! This is my gift to my readers! Enjoy! ****Once I get 3 reviews, I'll post the next chapter! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of the characters except for Arija and Jason.**

Chapter 2

"I-I'm Arija, Mr. Stark," I stuttered.

"You're Jason's kid." He chuckled dryly. "He has no humor and is mopey as hell. But he's good at what he does so I keep him around.

"Sit down, kid-you look terrible."

I collapsed on a plush loveseat upholstered in a cool gray hue. My hands were shaking so much I almost spilled the cup of cider he handed me.

The room was minimally decorated but nicer than the alleys I had previously called home. A small bar lined a portion of the back wall with an alcove for drinks, and a holograph transmitter was installed on the coffee table in between us.

He lounged in an equally comfortable recliner holding a glass of brandy, his eyes scanning me carefully. He sat up a little straighter.

"So, what brings you here?"

"Mr. Stark, I need help," I whimpered as tears sprung from my eyes. "My dad disowned me when I found out I was pregnant. I've been homeless for four months, and I can't keep living like this."

I then launched into a blow-by-blow version of how I'd hung out with the wrong crowd after my mom died, how I met Erik, and now carried his child. By the time I was done I was sobbing, my cider lukewarm and lips wet with tears.

To my surprise, Mr. Stark had a tear on his cheek.

"I had a cousin who got knocked up when she was young. My uncle threw her out and she had a baby girl. I visited them both in the shelter all the time. The little girl's name was Charlotte. She kept my cousin going.

"One night, I came by to celebrate Charlotte's first birthday, but the supervisor told me they had gone out for a walk and hadn't come back. Five days later, they found both of them shot in an alley. I had to identify the bodies."

He wiped his eyes and took a large swig of brandy.

"Everyone knows me as Ironman-big, strong, badass, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Only a few know that I am still fallible."

The mournful atmosphere was shattered when JARVIS said, "Sir, you're needed in the statistics meeting on floor 7. Mr. Stokland is insisting you speed up your arrival."

"Mr. Stark, I can leave-"

"First of all, just call me Tony. Second of all, JARVIS, get Stokland up here before I make him a measly intern again."

I stiffened and my stomach tightened. I'd already faced him once today; I don't know if I can do it again.

My dad sauntered into Tony's office a few minutes later.

"Have I done something to offend you, Tony?" he asked his boss. I shrank into the couch, my face beet red and bile rising in my throat.

"You've told me about your daughter-what's she up to these days?" Tony's tone was that of a cunning trapper, waiting for my father to take the bait.

"She's-at school in Oregon. She's an art major." He had unconsciously just played himself into Tony Stark's hands.

"Well, either I've been speaking to an imposter or she's back, but Arija is here. She's told me everything, so don't try digging yourself any deeper."

My father screamed, "SHOW YOURSELF, YOU LITTLE WHORE!"

When I heard him say that, I realized he would never change. He would continue to be salty and awful. I had to stand up to him now, while I had the chance.

I stood up and faced him.

"You don't realize how fucking DIFFICULT all of this has been," I said in a deadly tone. "Mom dying, getting kicked out for making a choice-you may think you've had it bad-but you have NO IDEA how much worse it's been for me!"

My dad stepped forward, his face gaunt with anger.

"You have brought nothing but shame and ill repute on me. When your mother died, you went out to party with crack heads and got pregnant!"

I bit my lip to keep from screaming at him. "I know I didn't make the best choices, Dad. But I was hurt as much as you were when Mom died. I want to come home."

Tony glared at him. "Stokland, think very carefully before you start running your mouth." My dad's eye twitched as Tony added, "Either you let her back into your life, or you don't. If you do, she'll be given money towards finishing her education. If you don't, she'll be given a much better life here and you'll be begging her for money."

My father clenched his fists, a vein bulging out of his neck. "You can't do this to me, Stark!" he yelled. "I will sue your sorry ass, so help me!"

I raised an eyebrow. This was the pettiest thing I'd ever seen him do.

"When you go to the courthouse, you'll be questioned about your daughter," Tony said this as if he were stating water was wet. "You'll be arrested on charges of neglect and abuse."

Then Jason Stokland, the stubborn and headstrong worker threw down his holo pad and work ID.

"I quit!" Then he turned to me with anger and hatred in his eyes.

"If you ever come near my apartment, you'll wish you'd never been born."

He slammed the door behind him and I sat back down. Tony handed me another cup of cider.

"JARVIS, get someone to prep Point-Break's room. He's too busy partying on Asgard to come to Earth."

"Sir, what about the mead fountain?" A fountain? Of mead? Ironman _was_ as rich as hell.

Tony looked at my belly and gave me a look that said, _Let's play it safe and not risk your kid's life._

"Uninstall it and get Trisha to show her to her room."

"Whoa, I never agreed to live here!" I said, following the billionaire as he breezed through the glass doors and to the elevator.

"Well," he turned to me, "would you rather be back out there?"

I thought about my recent encounter with Erik and I knew I couldn't handle another.

"I thought so." He stepped into the elevator and the doors closed. As I turned around, I heard a familiar voice.

"Ari?"


	4. Blissfully Unaware

**A/N: Happy New Year! I hope everyone has an exciting and progressive 2020! Also, I promise Arija and Loki will meet very soon...**

Chapter 3

I suddenly felt self-conscious of my ratty clothes, protruding belly, and flushed cheeks. My best friend stood in a grey pantsuit and black pumps, her blonde hair swept back in a neat bun. She had a holopad in the crook of her arm and a pen in her pocket.

"What are you doing here? You just disappeared, and everyone thought you were dead! I-"

I held up a hand and she ceased talking. I owed Trisha an extremely detailed explanation but now was not the time. I needed to rest and get some food in me.

"When did you start working here?"

She cast her gaze to the floor and fingered her blazer, a habit she had when she was nervous.

"After you left, I went to talk to your dad. He told me you were off at college early. I didn't buy it. You were in such a shitty part of your life, so I knew it wasn't true! When I was walking home, I bumped into Tony Stark and he offered me an internship! He'd heard your dad talk about me and my hard work!"

Of course, he'd amp up Trisha's skills and not mine. Trisha and I had been best friends since first grade and he'd always compared us. My mom would yell at him about it and tell me I was just as worthy as her.

"So, why did you leave?" Her dewy blue eyes sparkled with interest and widened as she saw my belly.

"My God, Ari! Who's the baby daddy?"

I didn't want to tell her since Erik was her ex-boyfriend and I'd gone against the unspoken girl code. But I knew I couldn't keep avoiding the issue. Better now than never.

"It's Erik's." I braced myself for her reaction.

"Why, Ari? WHY? You knew he was a fucking dick! I thought you were smarter than that!" she yelled. "I'm not even mad that you got with my ex! Just-God, I thought he might've killed you-"

"Well, I'm alive. I'll tell you more stuff later, okay? Just not now."

Trisha showed me into the elevator and swiped her card. She turned back to me and I saw pity and shock etched in her face.

"So…what are you going to do now?" I knew what she was implying.

"I'm keeping it. An abortion would be so much easier, but we've already been through so much together, I can't."

"Ari, I know a doctor who can do it-"

"Dude, just respect my choice here! I'm keeping the kid and that's final!"

She sighed and wiped her hands on her pants. The rest of the ride was spent in silence. The doors opened to the penthouse and my jaw dropped. The floor to ceiling windows looked out over Manhattan and light spilled into the sleek modern kitchen. The sitting area had two grey couches with red pillows with little end tables. Everything was so open and relaxed. Trisha led me down a hall and opened the first door to the right.

It was gigantic. The scent of alcohol and leather wafted around the space. A giant fountain gurgled in the middle of it, filled with what was probably the mead JARVIS had mentioned earlier. The large bed was covered in a duvet and pillows the color of blood, with several fuzzy blankets laid out at the foot. A large stone fireplace crackled with wood and smoke. A small leather couch upholstered in black leather was placed in front of the fire.

"Holy shit, Trisha! Whose room is this?" I was still in awe of all the luxury that surrounded me when not even eighteen hours before, I'd been sleeping behind a Chinese restaurant.

"It's Thor's." She said this with a mix of admiration and lust. Of course, she had a thing for the handsome and muscular Asgardian. Practically every girl at school did. Me, on the other hand, I wasn't crazy for the thick guys who always had girls fawning all over him. I'd always been drawn to the brooding types. Erik was one of those guys and look how it turned out for me!

She opened a door to an attached bathroom. It had a giant Jacuzzi tub and steam shower, with soft towels and clean walls. But what drew my curiosity was the large wood sauna. It was powered by an electric stove rather than a fire, and tree branches were hanging on hooks.

"Dude, this is crazy!" Trisha giggled. I nodded and smiled for the first time in a while.

"Well," I said, "I think I'd better get changed and shit."

Trisha nodded and went to leave. Before she closed the door behind her she turned back.

"You're right. It's your choice. To get an abortion or not. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was forcing things onto you."

"Thank you," I replied. She ran up to me and swept me into a crushing hug.

"Watch the belly," I grunted.

"I'll see you later, Ari." She walked out and closed the door behind her.

I yawned and cracked my back. I needed to find some new clothes so I poked my head in Thor's closet, not expecting to find anything but hoping anyway.

"Miss Stokland." I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard JARVIS.

"Jesus Christ, JARVIS! What is it?"

The AI paused. "There should be some suitable attire outside your door."

"Thanks, my dude." I went to the door and found boxes and boxes of clothes. I brought them in and opened one. Inside were some maternity clothes in neutral and bright patterned prints. A note was attached to the top:

Dear Arija,

I hope you'll join Tony and me for dinner tonight at 7:30. Here are some things to help you get settled in. If you need anything, feel free to reach out to me!

-Pepper Potts

I started crying happy tears. Damn hormones! I felt looked after, even if it was by someone I would meet tonight. I gradually unpacked and sorted things. I almost lost it again when I found a box with stuff from home. One of the items was a photo of my mom and me about two years before she died. It was from our annual summer camping trip. Her brown eyes glittered with happiness, blissfully unaware of cancer spreading through her. I looked so much younger and innocent, having no idea where I'd be two years later.

After settling in and getting situated, I started to get ready for dinner. I found a pretty top, stretchy pants and simple flats. I put on a little mascara and lip balm and walked out to the kitchen.

Tony was cooking steak on a mini grill and vegetables on the burner. The smell filling the room made my mouth water. Sitting at the counter across from him was a pretty blonde woman sipping a glass of red wine.

"Hey, you guys. It smells so good in here!" I said.

The blonde looked up and smiled at me, then got off the stool and hugged me. I was slightly taken aback but accepted it nonetheless.

"I'm Pepper, and you must be Arija." She took my arm. "Come sit with me!"

I waddled to the seat next to her, and with some ungraceful grunting, I got myself upright. I watched as Pepper poured me a glass of water and glanced at my bump.

"So, have you had a…checkup since you've been pregnant?" she asked tentatively. She didn't want to upset me, but at the same time, it takes a lot to piss me off.

"No. But I probably should. I'm about…" I silently counted on my fingers. "…Five months along, give or take."

Pepper reached out and paused. "May I…"

"Sure. You're the first person to ask. No one else wanted to."

She put a gentle hand on my belly and I felt a shift in weight as the baby moved. The little thing had started moving around a little, kicking occasionally, and it always made me happy.

"Hey baby, you'll never believe this, but we're safe now. Tony and Pepper are gonna take care of us now." A little limb struck Pepper's hand, and she gasped in delight.

"Dinner is served, ladies!" Tony set down a plate full of steak and veggies in front of us. I scarfed it all down before Pepper was even halfway done. It was pretty good. I was surprised he didn't have any chefs, but maybe he did and just didn't use the 24/7. A wave of exhaustion washed over me, and I yawned.

"I'd better go to bed," I groaned, and stood up. "Thanks for the food, Tony. It was nice to meet you, Pepper. I'll see you in the morning."

I closed the door and found one of my old shirts. The shirt, which used to be huge on me, now accommodated my growing belly. It was red and went down to my knees still. I got ready for bed and climbed into the big king sizer. I couldn't get comfortable; I kept sinking into the soft mattress and no amount of tossing and turning could make it easier. Finally, I took some blankets off the foot of the bed and fell asleep on the floor, in an unfamiliar room with my little one growing inside me.


	5. Fetish for Green

Chapter Four

"Thor!"

I shot upright, bringing one of the duvets around my shoulders. My hair was all knotted up and my stomach was boiling. I bolted to the bathroom and noisily vomited, my throat on fire. I flushed the toilet and went to wash my hands. I splashed some water on my face, and when I looked into the mirror again there was someone behind me. I turned around and backed up, panic and adrenaline already spreading through my veins.

A tall young guy stood in front of me. His electric green eyes studied me with intensity. His chin-length black hair was slicked back, echoing the smooth dark green suit he wore. Despite his pale complexion, he was flushed with rage.

"Where is he?" he hissed. I gulped and instinctively put a hand on my stomach.

"Thor's not here. What the fuck do you want?" I glared at him and grabbed one of the tree branches off the sauna.

His face turned apologetic. "Excuse me, then. I'm sorry for my outburst."

"Oh yeah, sure you are, asshat!" I spat back. "Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!"

I pushed past him and ran into the kitchen. Tony was whistling as he made an omelet. He was wearing a Black Sabbath shirt and sweats. I fake-yawned and cracked my back.

"'Morning, Arija," he responded without looking up. The smell of cheese and eggs wafted towards me, and my empty stomach growled.

"Who was the guy that just barged into my room screaming for Thor?" I snapped angrily.

"Greasy hair, impeccable sense of style, and fetish for green things?" Tony asked.

"You know that idiot?" I was surprised. He didn't seem like the person Tony liked.

"That's Thor's brother, Loki. He…works here too." He shrugged and flipped the omelet. "He's kind of a troublemaker, but then again he's the God of Mischief so what more do you expect?"

I grabbed some cereal and ate about half the box before I realized it had the letters SR scribbled on it.

"Uh, Tony? Who is 'S.R.'?"

He washed the pan and cleaned up the counter. "Just the Capsicle. Stars and Stripes, America's Ass, the 97-year-old virgin-"

Steps sounded from the hallway and no one other than Steve Rogers strolled into the kitchen and stretched.

"Nice to hear your creative insults so early in the morning, Stark," he yawned. Then his eyes darted to me sitting with a bowl of his cereal and the box to further add to my criminal offense.

"Hello, miss. Captain Steve Rogers." He held out a hand. I blushed, feeling awkward as hell. I got up and waddled towards him. If he saw my pregnancy, he didn't say anything.

"Hey. I'm Arija. Sorry about the cereal," I said.

"It's alright. I can go get some later." He smiled at me kindly. "Are you from around here?"

"Yeah, I'm from the Upper East Side. You're from Brooklyn, right?"

He sighed. "Well, last century Brooklyn anyways. Way different than now. When I was a kid, there were so many different people all living in the same place. Everything was so much simpler back then."

"It's always like that when you're younger," I replied. "Then you have to stay in the present and deal with reality. Everything was simple until I got pregnant. Now it's more about my baby."

Steve looked at my belly and raised an eyebrow in Tony's direction.

"I'll explain it later," Tony told him. "By the way, Ari, we're having a team meeting at 3. Be there, please. We have a lot to talk about."

Pepper walked in, already wearing a chic white pantsuit. She must've been some sort of graceful because every time I wear white I manage to spill something on myself.

"Good morning, guys!" She pulled me aside and whispered "I'm having an ultrasound tech and OBGYN come in later at about 2, just to check you out and make sure everything is working. Is that okay with you?"

I nodded. "Thanks so much, Pepper."

"Anytime, honey." She hugged me and knelt in front of my belly.

"Morning, baby," she cooed. "Today's going to be so exciting. Your mommy and I are going to get to see you for the first time! I bet you're already as pretty as your mama." My little angel kicked as if in response, and she grinned. She strutted over to Tony and gave him a big kiss on the cheek, then proceeded to talk building designs for the company's expansion.

I went back to my room and got ready for the day. I took a quick shower and put on a plaid flannel, blue jeans, and tattered combat boots. I gave myself two Dutch braids and put on some mascara and sheer pink lipstick. I'd never really been into makeup, but I found that just a little bit brought out my eyes and lips.

I came back into the living room, and everything was remarkably quiet. It seemed like everyone else was busy. I had brought with me one of my books on baby development and settled down on the couch. If my calculations were correct, I was about 5 months along. My book said I was roughly 21 weeks and the little midget was about the size of a carrot. I sighed in relief. Twenty-one weeks left meant I was halfway through my pregnancy. Just four months until I could see my little angel!

"My congratulations to you, then."

The velvety smooth voice nearly made me scream. I looked up and there he was again-same green suit, same eyes, same raven black hair-

"Would it _kill_ you to at least announce your presence before talking? Jesus!" My heart was beating a million miles a minute from fear.

He smiled wickedly, and it was, infuriatingly enough, slightly sexy.

"That would be no fun," he said. "I am, after all, the God of Mischief."

"So you're _the_ Loki. Thor's crazy brother who nearly destroyed New York?"

He gave an exasperated sigh. "That was a long time ago, and I've changed since then. Thor made sure of _that_."

I felt like he was lying, but for some strange reason, I knew at the same time he wasn't.

"I'd like to give you an apology. A genuine one. I'm truly sorry for frightening you this morning. My brother likes to mess with me, and I let my anger get the best of me." Once again, I got that feeling he was being truthful.

"I never got your name, Midgardian. Hopefully, it is as lovely as the rest of you."

I glared at him. He was testing my patience today. "My name is Arija."

"Are-ee-ya." Loki dragged out my name into three syllables. "A name full of power and energy. You must be someone special if Stark let you in."

I clenched my teeth and resisted the urge to sock the hell out of that leering sexy face. "He was being kind. I'm probably nothing more than a charity case."

"I've known plenty of men like Tony Stark and there are always other reasons why they do things." He snapped his fingers and a glass of wine appeared in his hand. "More often than not, they have ulterior motives.

"If you'd been any other mortal, he'd have called…the service. But for some inexplicable reason, he let you stay." He stood up and circled the couches. "It begs the question…why you?"

I couldn't help myself. I started laughing nervously. "You are insane if you think I'm special in any way. I'm just a girl from the Upper East Side."

Loki came behind me and brought his lips close to my ear. I shivered; it was really hot.

"We both know that's not true," he whispered. "You are here for a reason, Arija, and I will figure out why."

The God of Mischief disappeared without a sound and I wondered if I was here for a purpose after all.

**A/N: Finally they meet! Stay tuned for more!**


	6. Nervous

**A/N: Hey, all! I'm sorry there's not as much Loki/Arija action yet. I swear, it'll get there. This is a shorter chapter, but I'll post a longer one soon! Enjoy!**

Chapter 5

I paced in front of the giant window looking out over Manhattan, drinking in the view. Why had Tony let me stay, other than to spite my father and help me out? Did I have some sort of power that I didn't know but everyone else did? Why the hell did I believe anything said by the God of Mischief himself?

I laughed aloud. Of course, Loki would plant false ideas in my head! That's all he's known!

I stretched out on the couch and closed my eyes for what felt like a minute, until Pepper gently shook me awake.

"Hey, Ari. They're waiting for us. Follow me."

I yawned and awkwardly hobbled after her. We took the elevator down a few floors. Pepper turned to me and asked, "Is everything okay? Are you nervous?"

"Yeah, I'm freaking out. I hope it doesn't have a third eye," I said jokingly. Deep down, I was terrified. I hadn't had a lot to eat while pregnant and was ridiculously anemic. All I wanted was a healthy, happy baby.

The doors opened and a scrubbed doctor and ultrasound tech greeted us.

"Hello, Arija," said the doctor, a big smile plastered on her face. "My name is Dr. Browning, and this is Aimee. We'll be taking care of you today."

They'd gotten their hands on my medical information and were aware of my anemia and current condition. Dr. Browning probed me, asked me questions about sexual history, and tested me for STDs. She told me about staying healthy during the rest of my pregnancy and suggested birthing classes. As soon as that was over, Aimee asked me, "Ready to see baby, mama?"

I nodded eagerly.

The ultrasound tech slathered cool gel over my belly and put the wand on it. A whooshing sound filled the room and she smiled.

"That-that's its heartbeat," I stuttered, overwhelmed with love and excitement. The tech moved it around, and I started crying as a human-shaped blob filled the screen. It was moving around a little, and the image shifted.

"Okay," Aimee said as she moved the wand. "Your baby looks a little underdeveloped, but that's probably because of anemia. I recommend iron supplements and of course the normal prenatal vitamins. But let's see…" The image shifted to the top of the head. Turning to the doctor, she asked, "If you said she's around five months, that means she's due in February?"

Dr. Browning nodded. "February 17th, to be exact," she replied

Aimee turned back to my belly.

"Brain activity, good, all limbs and fingers…do you want to know the sex?"

My heart fluttered. I'd been so excited to find out since the beginning.

"Yes, I do!"

"You are having a baby girl!"

I burst into a fresh bout of tears, and Pepper gave me a huge hug. She stroked my hair and had tears in her eyes too. "Congratulations, Ari!" she said.

I checked my phone. It was currently 2:53. I needed to get up to the team meeting. I thanked the two professionals, hugged Pepper and ran to the elevator. My phone dinged and I pulled it out to find a text from Tony:  
_**Currently in the living room. Everyone is excited to meet you.**_

I furrowed my brows. What did he mean by "everyone"? I had assumed it was just me, Tony, Pepper, and Steve-simple, low-key, and informative. I connected the dots and groaned. Of course, Tony had invited all the Avengers-they were a team after all! How could I be stupid enough to not realize this earlier? I wiped my eyes and hoped I didn't look like a fool. Every ding as the elevator made its way to the top floor made me more and more anxious. Finally, it stopped and the doors opened.


	7. Little Miss Sunshine

**A/N: Shout out to my first two followers of the story SerrafinaDrake and Charlotte Linely! I hope you guys keep coming back for more! Thank you to all the newcomers.  
****ALSO, please do me a solid and REVIEW! I love the feedback and enjoy hearing what you guys think of the story. If you have any ideas for scenes between Arija and Loki as time goes on, please PM me.**

**I hope you e****njoy!**

Chapter 6

I stepped out and felt the gaze of several pairs of eyes on me. I peeled my eyes from the floor and a small strangled cry emerged from my throat.

More seating had been brought in to accommodate the others in here. Captain America and Iron Man sat on one of the couches facing the other Avengers. Most of them looked to be in their mid-twenties to early 30's, with the exception of Tony and Dr. Banner. One of them appeared to be my age, maybe a little younger. He had brown wavy hair and his eyes glistened with mischief. He looked at Tony with worry.

"Uh, Mr. Stark? There's a random girl here," he said anxiously. He started fidgeting and I realized he was putting something on.

"Peter, did you not hear what Tony said?" chided a woman with a blonde pixie cut and a brown leather jacket. "_She's_ the new girl." She smiled at me kindly.

Tony motioned me up to the front. I shuffled up feeling embarrassed and scared. I forced myself to make eye contact with all of them at least once. I recognized the main six that saved this city, and those who saved Sokovia but some were new.

"I think everyone's here," said Clint. Thor stood up suddenly and looked around the room like an owl on alert. He sat back down and chugged his ale. Then he yelled,

"LOKI, THE NEW MORTAL GIRL IS HERE! AND SHE IS VERY PRETTY!"

I'd heard Thor was pretty naïve when it came to earthly customs and mannerisms, and it showed. I laughed so hard I choked on my own breath and started coughing like I was going to die. Tony patted me firmly on the back and Steve got me some water. After the coughing subsided, I sat between the two men.

"Hey everyone thanks for coming!" Tony said. "I know this was pretty last minute, but it's important." The elevator doors opened, and in came Loki. He had changed into a simple collared shirt and dark jeans. He had unbuttoned the top enough so his pale sternum blinded everyone in the afternoon sun.

"This is Arija. She's seventeen, from the city and could prove useful in upcoming missions."

I was shocked. He wanted me to work with the Avengers? Maybe Loki was right after all.

"I wonder if I'll have any time at all after this kid is born!" I joked. Some chuckles came from around the room. I was then introduced to the newer members-Carol Danvers, Stephen Strange, Peter Parker, Tony's buddy War Machine, and the king of Wakanda.

I looked at Peter again. "You look…familiar. I think you go to school with my brother Andrew." I hadn't seen my baby brother since I'd been kicked out.

He looked pained before nodding forcibly. "Please don't tell anyone about…this," he mumbled, gesturing to everything around him.

I nodded. Coming in I had had a feeling I was sworn to secrecy, and I wasn't about to screw up my chances of losing food and a roof over my head.

Tony took over and launched into the topic of planetary security, but I couldn't really focus. Loki had been right; I wasn't just here because Tony was feeling nice. The thin god looked at me and nodded, somehow confirming my internal conclusion. How was I going to do this on top of motherhood?

Tony finished up his spiel and sat down. I leaned over and whispered, "'Useful in upcoming missions?' I'm going to have a _baby_; I won't have time for any of this!"

"We'll get you a nanny; your baby will have the best. You'll get _paid_ maternity leave," he muttered. "I am more generous than other bosses; I don't expect a world and a half out of a new mother."

I sighed in relief, and Loki gave me a warning look. I felt a little unsteady about Tony's offer; it seemed almost too good to be true. Carol gave an update on the civil unrest on a far-off planet, but again I was distracted by my thoughts.

Someone must've said something because suddenly everyone was staring at me. I blinked stupidly.

"Uh, sorry, what?"

Steve clapped a hand to my shoulder and flashed his pearly whites. "We want to know if you'll help us?"

My jaw hit the floor and a raspy choked cry slid from my throat. Being an assistant for the Worlds' Mightiest Heroes? That was a dream in and of itself. From what my dad had told me, there was no such thing. They did their own work and never asked for help. I could go down in history as the first! I had to figure out what I could do, but I was in.

I nodded, unable to speak from shock. Tony took my hand in his and raised it above our heads. "Give it up for the newest member of our team, Little Miss Sunshine!"

I snorted, blushing as a polite smattering of applause echoed around the room. My eyes were locked on Loki, and he gave me the barest of barely-there smiles.

The God of Mischief was a puzzle, and I intended to figure him out sooner or later.


	8. Not that Classless

**I hope you e****njoy!**

Chapter 7

The meeting ended and everyone mingled around freely. I went over to Loki and sat next to him. He took a sip of red wine and amusement danced in his eyes.

"I know, you were right."

His eyes held mine with a hot intensity for a split second before they broke away. My cheeks turned a lovely shade of red to match his wine, and he nodded.

"Your daughter will be well taken care of," he muttered to me.

"H-how did you know that?" I whispered incredulously, eyes narrowed in surprise and anger. He shrugged and folded his hands together in his lap.

"I am a god, darling-I can read your mind as easily as a book." I gritted my teeth. Well, there was no way I could ever lie or keep secrets from him. As if there were any, to begin with. I don't know why but hearing that really ground my gears.

"Well, don't tell anyone and stay out of my head!" I hissed. I couldn't deal with his shit right now. I got up and walked off, but not before I heard him say, "I'm not _that_ classless."

I sat down next to Natasha, who had just finished conversing with Clint.

"I bet this is a hell of a change of scenery for you," she chuckled, looking radiant in black skinny jeans and white sleeveless blouse. I smiled sheepishly, not sure what to say.

"Um, yeah, it's way nicer here," I muttered awkwardly. She gave me a warm smile and a reassuring pat on the back.

"It was the same for me. It'll get better, but you've just got to keep pushing through." Her eyes focused on something a million miles away, getting lost in her thoughts of pain in the past. I had heard several news reporters refer to her as a psychotic soulless killer with a penchant for blood, but just like Tony, she had her own demons.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and spun to see the man himself

"Arija, I think I put your debriefing packet in your room. Can you grab it for me? I forgot to put in some important details."

I ran back to my room and practically tore it apart. I looked on top of my dresser, under my bed, and in my closet but it was nowhere to be found. Misplacing things was just one of my many talents, something I got from my mom. Maybe I'd find it later; I'd go tell Tony.

I came back to the main room to find it empty. I panicked-were they okay? We weren't being attacked-or we were, and I was just blissfully unaware. Best guess, they were tired and went to get beers. I saw a lone figure sitting on the couch, blonde hair reflecting the last rays of afternoon light. I caught her face in the dim light and smiled.

"Trisha, what are you doing here?"

She responded by grabbing my hands and grinning like crazy. "Dude, I'm so happy for you!" I looked around again.

"Did they tell you where they were headed?" I chewed on my lip and put a hand on my belly.

She nodded. "T-Mr. Stark said he was headed to a party on the 81st floor. He said you should come."

I noticed then what she was wearing wasn't casual at all. The little black dress and flats gave me all the information I needed to know about this gathering. I groaned and cracked my back.

"What should I wear?" I complained, throwing my hands up dramatically as we walked back to my room. "I'm tired and pregnant-they shouldn't expect so much from me! I want to go to BED!" I sat on my bed and burst into tears. It felt so good to just let it out. Having more hormones than the average teen was just hard sometimes. I had days when I felt horny, angry, depressed, and happy all within a three-minute period, and others when I wanted to kill the Subway guy for taking too long to make my sandwich. I spent a few minutes hunched over sobbing and Trisha awkwardly patting my back.

"Um, well-there's food," she muttered, and I wiped my eyes. I was sure my raccoon eyes were exacerbated by the mascara now running down my cheeks.

"And what's awesome," she continued, "is that you can leave whenever you want and come up here to sleep."

"I think that would make it better," I replied. She got up and rummaged through the large oak wardrobe. She pulled a black and white striped dress from a hanger. It looked clingy and suffocating. Up until now, I was used to hiding the bump rather than accentuating it. I shook my head. She found a red minidress that looked more appropriate for the red carpet than a party.

"Nope," I said firmly. "I want something comfy, that I can actually sit and man spread in without flashing anyone." I got up and grabbed a charcoal pullover from one of my dressers. I held it up to my chest; it wasn't super tight, but not oversized to the point of looking sloppy. It complimented the red flannel I wore, and I popped it on. Trisha's eyes widened.

"Dude, there's no way you're wearing that!" she exclaimed. I raised my eyebrow and started to walk out. She snatched me back.

"At least wear something besides those shoes!" She hurled a pair of heels at me, and I started laughing.

"You're fucking kidding me? Heels? Nah, I'm good." I could see the frustration in her eyes; she just wanted me to look and feel good.

But I already felt good! I just wanted comfort, and I didn't necessarily care about looking like a million bucks.

"Fine! I'll try to _actually_ put in a little effort!" I sighed between gritted teeth. Trisha smiled in relief and clasped her hands together.

"Close your eyes," she said, and I obliged. I heard shuffling in drawers and the sliding of hangers. I swore, if she was going to try to get me to wear another crazy outfit I would go in just my skin.

"Open." She was holding up an olive-green shift dress and black flats. I sighed in relief. I changed quickly and undid my braids. Trisha smudged a little bronze eyeshadow across my lids and touched up my lipstick.

"Damn, girl! You look fine!" she yelped.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw a young woman with fierce and haunted eyes staring back. I closed my eyes and shook my head, convincing myself it was just a hallucination. She was still there, wearing the same dress and fiery hair. I would have to address her later; I was already late to this party

"Thanks, Trish," I replied. I took her hand and we headed for the elevator.


	9. The Floor is Lava

Chapter 8

We rode the elevator up 2 floors, and when the doors open we were greeted with a slightly drunk blonde Asgardian, Tony and Steve supporting him under each arm. Trisha's resulting squeal at seeing Thor was so high pitched I thought my eardrums were going to rupture.

"Trish, what the fuck!" I elbowed her in the ribs. She started fidgeting with the buttons of her dress and I turned apologetically towards the three men. I hauled her into the common room. There was smooth jazz coming out of the speakers, and the bar along the back wall was crowded with a mix of businesspeople and Avengers. Some of the younger individuals were trying to dance along to the music but looked like fools.

"Ari!" Peter came running up to us with a big smile on his face. He was wearing a white button-down and a bright yellow tie. I must've stared at it, because he shrugged and said, "She stole my black one and dyed it." He was pointing to a girl who was standing next to T'Challa grinning mischievously in our direction.

"Oh my God, that's Shuri! She's such a big advocate for females in STEM!" Trisha looked like she was about to faint. I was also a fan of Shuri. I, however, admired her for her pranks on Peter, which she chronicled on both her YouTube channel and Insta feed.

"Love it, Peter. It's definitely a look," I chuckled.

"Dude, this isn't even the worst thing. One time, she told T'Challa 'the floor is lava', and he didn't jump," Peter said smiling. "So, the next time she said it, he got assaulted with this synthetic lava stuff. That's one she hasn't posted; sometimes you gotta keep the gold nuggets of comedy to yourself."

"I do agree with you, Spider-Child-there is something _quite special_ about those little things only you know of."

I turned around to find myself face to face with my least favorite person there. He wore a black suit and a collared shirt. The only bit of contrast in his whole outfit was his eyes. God, I didn't realize they were so green.

"What do you want, Loki?" I snapped.

"I was wondering if you'd like a drink?" He held up a cold glass of something cold and bubbly.

I shook my head. "Loki, I-"

He chuckled darkly. "You really think I would give you champagne? I may be the God of Lies but I'm not that evil. It's ginger ale."

I took a hesitant sip and sighed in relief. The bubbles popped on my tongue, the flavor of ginger soothing my spinning head.

"Thanks."

He looked me up and down, probably taking notice of my puff eyes and expression of utter boredom. A smile flickered at the corner of his lips. "You look lovely tonight."

I snorted. He was really reaching. "Yeah, sure. Hard to believe it coming from the God of Mischief."

He took a sip from his glass, his eyes still fixated on me. "You didn't want to come here, did you?" There was a tinge of concern in his voice.

"Trisha made me. Honestly, all I want to do is get away from here for a while and relax. Being pregnant is hard."

"In that case-" He extended his arm.

"-do you want to go on a walk?"


	10. Already Loved Me

Chapter 9

We took the elevator down to the now empty lobby. The chandelier was still running, the buzz more intense with the lack of foot traffic and PA. The security guard pacing the lobby gave a friendly nod in our direction. We exited the double doors and the cool evening October air greeted us with a few leaves blowing across the sidewalk. Loki held the door for me as I stepped out. I was pleasantly surprised by this small act of kindness, especially coming from someone who nearly destroyed an entire city.

He scoffed. "Again, not that awful."

I glared at him. "What did I say about reading my mind?"

He held up his hands in defense. "Forgive me. It's an old habit. Your mind also happens to be an open book."

We turned up 6th Avenue and I observed the many storefronts. Most were shut down, but some were still illuminated. It was weird seeing this side of the city again, especially in less of a fight or flight mindset. The Christmas and Channukah decorations were already set up in some stores, replacing the Halloween decor that was up only a few weeks prior. The neon sign of Dylan's Candy Bar beckoned me with a sense of nostalgia. I remembered the days when my mom would take me and my little brother to Central Park in the fall and then we'd stop by the pastel-hued candy store for a treat if we were good.

"It's a nice night," I said, pulling myself from my thoughts. He nodded.

"I must say the weather is a nice change from where I come, although the winters are quite similar."

"The winter's worse the further upstate you go," I replied. "It gets in the negatives there."

He scoffed. "You have no idea how frigid the winters of Jotunheim are, girl. It is rumored it could freeze a mortal within a matter of seconds."

"Valid point." I stopped and hunched over as the baby kicked me in the side. I let out a grunt of pain.

Loki stopped and grabbed my shoulders. "Are you alright, Arija?"

"Yeah," I groaned, but he guided me over to a nearby subway station. He practically carried me down the steps and gently placed me onto a nearby bench. The pain started to fade slowly

I was once more taken aback by this gesture of kindness. Maybe I had misjudged him after all-but it was still too soon to tell. The number of people who'd already given up on me was staggering, and I wasn't trying to get hurt again.

"I'm fine, Loki." I stood back up and yawned. "Let's keep going-we're getting close to Central Park."

We resumed our stroll towards the park. The entire way I sensed his unease; he was probably concerned I was going to get hurt again. A few minutes later we entered the mostly desolate park. I sat down on a bench under a tree already bursting with fall colors and the God of Mischief sat beside me. The temperature was dropping, and I'd stupidly forgotten to grab a jacket.

"Would you like my jacket?" he asked, taking note of my shivering and leg bouncing. He removed it without an answer and handed it to me. It was massive on me but warm, some sort of wool blend. The scents of smoke and rum mingled around the collar-a surprisingly calming blend.

"Thanks," I sighed, smiling gratefully. I think it caught him a little off-guard-he looked at me with a wisp of a smile. We stared at each other for a few seconds, his green eyes piercing mine. I broke first, my beet-red face betraying me. I'd never been the blushing maiden type at all; I was always headstrong and straightforward. What the hell was wrong with me?

"So, have you thought of names for...?" Loki gestured awkwardly to my belly, which was emphasized by the knee-length dress I wore.

"No, not really." I'd been more pressed to survive another day than romanticize over baby names, clothes, and nursery design.

"Can you see her with your, uh, magic?" I asked, and he nodded. His hands moved towards my bump but paused just inches from it. "May I...?"

"Yeah. Thank you." I paused. "You're the only one who's asked, you know? I appreciate it." He smiled and placed his large hands on my belly, closing his eyes. My little angel gently kicked one of his hands, and he chuckled. He opened his eyes and grinned. "Oh, my."

I felt anxiety creep into my veins. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No, she's fine. It's just-the amount of utter love she's radiating is insurmountable."

Was that a quiver in his voice?

"She really loves you, Ari." I couldn't help it-a few tears escaped from my eyes. My daughter wasn't even here-and she already loved me.


	11. Floodgates

**I just wanted to insert a quick trigger warning. This chapter includes details/descriptions of self-harm, abuse, flashbacks, and PTSD. Reader discretion is advised. **

Chapter 10

Loki teleported us back in front of my door.

"Thanks for...everything," I yawned. "I really needed that." I handed him his jacket back, but he shook his head.

"Keep it. You need it more than me." He turned and left, disappearing into thin air.

I collapsed onto my bed, tired beyond belief. I peeled my dress off and grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed. I burrowed under the duvet and fell asleep.

For the first time in a while, I dreamed. I was in a white sterile room lying in a bed surrounded by machines. Doctors and nurses stood around me as pain wracked my lower abdomen. I was in labor. The doctors kept yelling at me to push, and I kept trying to but it felt like someone was boiling my lower half in molten lead. The beeping of the monitors increased, and a nurse screamed, "We're losing her!" I looked down and saw blood pooling on the floor. I screamed as the pain became even worse and I blacked out.

I bolted upright in bed covered in sweat and tears in my eyes. Rain pattered against the window, the sound slowing the racing of my heart. It was still dark outside. I turned over and groaned as I saw the clock. It was only 5:33, but I couldn't fall asleep again after my nightmare. I'd seen some unclaimed dill pickle chips earlier and they started like a very good idea. The fire was going, filling my room with warmth as I pulled on an oversized hoodie and shuffled out to the common area. Thor was passed out on the couch snoring loud enough to wake the dead, and I saw Shuri and Peter huddled at the island.

"Good morning, guys," I groaned, dragging myself to the pantry for some dill pickle chips. Shuri took a long sip of her latte.

"You're Arija, right? We met at the party last night?"

I nodded, and she got up to refill her coffee.

"Have you guys been up all night?"

Peter nodded and yawned as he got up.

"Shuri was helping me with...a science fair project."

Shuri chuckled. "It's going to be amazing. I am helping him present."

I knew Shuri was living in the States during the school year-she'd started at my old school this year. She wanted to learn more and also teach the outside world what she had created back in Wakanda.

"What is it?"

"It's a secret." She winked. "You should come to the presentation."

Alarm bells went off in my head, and I felt anxiety boiling in the pit of my stomach. I hadn't been back there since I first started going downhill. I didn't couldn't face everyone, could I?

"I'll think about it," I squeaked, and I grabbed my bag of chips and ran back into my room. I sat on the couch and started crying. I had pushed all my traumatic memories about the last seven months into a little corner of my mind and tried to block out as much as possible.

When I had started to get worse, my peers had started treating me differently. Most of my old friends started dropping me, coming up with excuses to not hang out with me. As I drank and smoked myself into nothing, they judged and belittled me, not bothering to help me. We'd been close since kindergarten. It felt like a nail through the chest.

And the friends who did care-I had pushed them out. I was afraid they would eventually push me out. That's when I'd met Erik and Crystal and Andy, the addicts who'd changed me forever...

Memories flashed through my brain-Erik smoking weed after we'd fucked, the way his smile had made my stomach twist, the bruises he'd left, they all flooded my brain in one swift wave.

"_You stupid slut!" Erik screamed as I laid on the floor crying. I'd forgotten to pick up his Adderal from his dealer for him. He then started kicking me, each one punctuated with an insult."You worthless, disgusting, fat, ugly SLUT!"_

I shuddered as all the floodgate of accompanying emotions gushed into my brain. Pain, anger, depression, rage, cravings, and suicidal thoughts swirled and drifted through me. My body twisted and wracked with sobs, I stumbled to my feet and scrambled to find a sharp edge-anything to just let the emotions pour out of me. Not sharp enough to kill, just enough to cut, to feel something.

I raced into the bathroom and found a razor. It was a new blade-one that Thor must've left behind. I rolled up my sleeve and began to make a small wound on my arm. God, that felt good. I forgot how freeing it was-the one thing in life had control over. I sobbed with relief as I made another cut, the red standing out starkly against my pasty arm. The repetition was comforting, and soon the blood was dripping from my arm, decorating the floor with scarlet blooms as it hit the floor.

I was about to start another when the door to my room exploded off its hinges. A large figure rushed in, his blonde hair a mess as he came to the bathroom door.

"ARIJA! ARE YOU OKAY?"

I tried to hide the razor and my wrist, but the blood caught Thor's eyes and a look of concern came into his blue eyes.

"Put down the razor, and come here."

I shook my head. "I ca-ca-can't. I need to do this."

He walked towards me and sat down on the tile floor.

"I will sit here then until you drop it or give it to me." He crossed his arms and stared at me. I lasted five minutes before dropping it to the floor, and Thor stood and grabbed the razor. He gave me a bone-crushing hug and I started sobbing again. He rubbed my back and held me there for a long time. Then he turned to me and said, "Let us get some dressings for your wounds."

"How did you know I was-"

"My brother told me." We walked into the kitchen and he grabbed the first aid kit.

I shook my head. I hadn't told him anything about my past issues, just normal surface-level topics. Then I realized how he figured it out.

"...he read my mind?" I asked.

"He had a bad feeling, and he woke me up and told me you were in danger." He poured some alcohol on a cotton pad and started cleaning my wounds. I gritted my teeth as the alcohol stung, and Thor put pads over them. He finished it off with an Ace bandage and gave me some aspirin.

"I cannot understand what you are going through, but I imagine it is hard," Thor began. "You must talk to us if you want to get better. Hurting yourself will not solve your pain, young Arija."

The god of thunder had just voiced the truth about my issues in a more coherent way than half my therapists could have. But I was more focused on how he'd found out.

Loki had sensed I was hurting? Why would he want to help me? He hardly knew me and probably was doing all this to stay on the Avengers' good side. He didn't actually like me-did he?

**Disclaimer: I am not trying to romanticize self-harm or anything my character is going through. Mental illness and trauma isn't a walk in the park; it's difficult and the best thing you can do is reach out and get help. If you ever need to talk to someone, PM me. If you ever feel like no one cares I am always here for you.**


	12. Company

Chapter 11

I went back to bed after Thor had finished bandaging me up. A few tears fell onto my pillow as I tried to fall asleep again. But my mind was reeling from the incident. Why did Loki give a shit at all? I was just a normal mortal girl, and he was a god. He was quite attractive and my type-tall, dark, and brooding.

I was hesitant as Erik had been the same way. As time went on, however, more and more of his true colors developed. The patience and kindness had turned to impulsivity and abuse almost overnight, but I stayed because I loved him. Maybe Loki was different, even though his past was less than rosy.

All I wanted right now was to have someone to hug me, maybe cuddle. Being pregnant made me a lot more touchy-feely sometimes. I thought about how nice it would feel to have someone hold me in their arms and just lie here-no expectations, no sex, just comfort.

"Can't sleep?"

I screamed as I noticed Loki sitting on the couch. He flinched. "You should be glad these rooms are soundproof, otherwise you'd be giving my brother a second headache."

"What are you doing here?" I gasped.

He chuckled. "That's some way to talk to the god that saved you from yourself. I'm just checking on you."

I heard the crunch of a chip. "Besides-" he chewed thoughtfully. "-God's get hungry too. Hm, this is an interesting flavor!" Not my pickle chips!

"Give me my chips!" I hissed. "Is that all you're here for?"

"You also wanted company. Your mind-still easier to read than a children's novel."

Okay, he'd officially crossed the line.

"Get. The fuck. Out of. MY HEAD!" I growled.

He stood and stalked over to the bed. By the firelight, I could see he wasn't wearing a shirt but black satin bottoms. His slicked hair was wet and residual drops cascaded down his back. He sat down next to me, opening his arms. With that simple gesture, my tough facade crumbled and I burrowed into them. He didn't say anything, just held me as I cried for the millionth time today. He smelled like spices and his skin was refreshingly cool against my hot tear-stained cheeks.

"Sorry," I muttered as I wiped away my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. He shrugged.

"You should lie down," was all he said. I laid on my side and felt his arms encircle me once more. He held me firmly like he was scared I was going to disappear. I closed my eyes and sighed. I still couldn't sleep but I felt safe here. A few minutes later he started stroking my hair, and my heart softened. He thought I was asleep. He was probably going to leave; most guys were like that anyways.

I shifted and arched my back in an attempt to crack it, and I heard him suck in an airy breath. A few seconds later I felt something hard pressing into my ass, but I merely smiled as I finally fell asleep.


	13. Face your Demons

**Here's a longer chapter for y'all! I am currently working on a much longer one. Stay tuned!**

Chapter 12

I woke up a few hours later, covered in a warm cashmere blanket that smelled just like the God of Mischief. I sat up and saw him sleeping next to me. His hair was messy and he looked very young as he lay there with his eyes closed and mouth slightly open. My bandaged arm stung a little when I moved but it wasn't unmanageable. I padded off to the bathroom to relieve myself and then splashed my face with cool water. My eyes were still puffy from crying in addition to pregnancy bloat, and my hair was tangled. I raked a brush through it and put it up into a ponytail. I walked back into the bedroom and Loki was now sitting up rubbing his eyes.

"'Morning, Loki."

He looked over and smiled. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

I nodded. He got up and stumbled to the window to open the blinds. The sky was gray and rain continued to tap against the glass. The view would probably always take my breath away. Usually, it would overlook Central Park, but the clouds hung low today, and the result was a soft grey carpet that brushed against the lower part of the tower.

"Thank you, for staying with me. It means a lot."

His expression softened. "I could tell you needed it. You've clearly had a lack of support, and I want to help you."

"Loki, you really don't have to-"

He walked up to me and tilted my chin up with to meet his gaze. His green eyes crackled with intensity.

"Trust me, Arija," he purred as his hand moved to cup my right cheek. "When I say I want to help, that means I will."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I have been in that place before, and I know just how dark and ghastly it is. My experiences are not the same as yours-you still don't deserve to suffer. In order to move forward, you must address what has hurt you throughout your life."

I backed out of his reach. "I-I can't." I cast my eyes to the floor, tears pricking the corners. "I'm not strong enough."

"Please, look at me." There was an edge of desperation in his voice, and I once again gazed into his eyes.

"You, Arija, are one of the strongest mortals I have met. Stark told me where you were before, and that has given you strength. If you were able to survive out there without compassion or love, you can face your own demons."

"No, I can't. I need to be strong for-for her." I touched my stomach, and I felt her move as if in response. He stepped closer and placed his hands on my belly.

"She's telling me she wants you to do it for you. You, Arija. You must be strong for yourself, and your daughter will reap the benefits of it for years to come."

Tears blurred my vision as I thought about it. I had to act strong for her; I needed to be a strong, responsible mother for her. But he was right; I wouldn't be able to pretend forever. Sooner or later I would crack and shatter and she would suffer too.

"Okay," I whispered. He flashed me a relieved smile.

"Let's start small, my dear. I think we should begin with a bath and change of clothes."

I glance down at my sleeve, mildly horrified that the cuff was crusted with blood. My hair was also a bit on the oily side.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment, I should change into something more decent." He grinned and disappeared into thin air.

I removed the hoodie and hobbled into the bathroom. I was only wearing a tan bra and panties. The tub was already running and filled with bubbles. I grabbed some towels and a robe to set next to it. I peeled off my underthings, let my hair down, and stepped in. I sighed as the warm water lapped against my skin. I tried to lay down until I was fully submerged. I closed my eyes and listened to the rumbling of the water as it poured from the faucet. I felt calm and at peace. Maybe this is what it was like to be in utero.

I finally came up for air after what felt like hours. I washed my hair with a deliciously scented shampoo, massaging it into my scalp. Suddenly I realized I'd forgotten to take off my bandage from my left arm. I slowly unwrapped the soggy Ace from my wrist, slowly unsticking the gauze from the cuts. The gauze was sprinkled with dried blood, but my arm was another story.

I'd cut pretty deep; some of the marks were still oozing a little if I moved. The shallow ones had scabbed over for the most part. I poured some body wash into my right hand and gently washed my wounds. I hissed as it made contact with the open flesh.

There was a knock at the bathroom door, and I quickly moved a clump of bubbles to hide my breasts. "Come in?"

Loki cautiously walked in, now wearing a pair of dark slacks, a white collared shirt, and a black waistcoat. It really suited him; there were too many people who couldn't pull it off. He rolled up the forearms of his shirt and grabbed a loofa.

"Would you like me to get your back, Ari?" he asked. I nodded and handed him the body wash.

He put some on the loofa and motioned for me to turn around. Hugging my arms close to my chest, I slowly shifted around trying to shift the bubbles as little as possible.

He began to wash me and I almost purred with relaxation. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"How old are you?" I blurted out. I clapped my hands over my lips. Dammit, why of all questions was this the one to emerge?

He chuckled. "Depends on where I am. If we are speaking of technicalities then I am 1,070 years old. But translated to Asgardian years I am only 21."

My eyes widened. 1,070 years? That was older than the country I lived in, older than the British Empire.

"I recall Stark saying you were seventeen, yes?"

"Yeah. My birthday is next month though, thank God. The 25th."

He soaked the loofa in water and squeezed it over the suds on my back, the small streams trickling down the angel wings.

"I understand that here on Midgard, the eighteenth birthday is quite special."

I smiled. "Yeah, it basically means you're an adult. Although you can't drink, smoke or rent cars-only differences really are you can be charged with crimes as an adult, buy lotto tickets, go to some clubs, and have sex with any other adult."

The God of Mischief traced the outline of a wing on my right shoulder blade. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine.

"Are these for someone you've lost?" he asked with concern in his voice.

I turned back around, no longer self-conscious of my breasts now peeking above the foam. "My mother. She died about a year ago."

His eyes didn't shift from my face as the bathwater swirled around me. "What was she like?"

I smiled, thinking back to when times were good. "She was amazing. She was always there for me, and she never believed I was incapable of anything. We'd go camping every summer in Upstate New York, and she'd have the best time. She taught me how to set up a tent, fish, forage, and enjoy nature. She was passionate about justice and compassion for everybody; nobody was beyond redemption in her eyes."

"She sounded like a lovely woman." He paused. "Do you mind if I ask what happened to her?"

I brushed a piece of wet hair behind my ear. "Pancreatic cancer. Unexpected, very hard to detect early. She died within six months of diagnosis."

He took my hand in his. "I am so sorry, darling. I cannot imagine that pain." He brought his lips to my hand.

"It's okay. I'm fine."

I picked up the loofa and tried to lift my feet towards me but my belly was now in the way of them.

"Do you need your legs washed?"

I shook my head. "No I've got it," I groaned, straining to reach them. I tried a few more times before Loki snatched the loofa from me and held my ankle in his hand and gently scrubbed my legs and feet.

"Thanks," I grunted as he stood up and handed me a towel. I rose up from the tub, the water streaming down every curve and surface of my body. I put one foot on the tiled floor before slipping on a slick spot.

Shit.

I was in free fall, the floor getting closer to my face-

Loki grabbed me gently but firmly by the waist, his left hand aiming for my shoulder but ended up at my breast.

"OW!" I yelped, the pain was sudden and intense. He moved it immediately.

"I'm so sorry, Arija. I didn't mean to do that!" His face was flushed crimson as he held me, taking in every inch of me from my neck to my tender swollen breasts, and further to the red curls surrounding my sex. He got me on my feet and threw the towel at me.

"I'll be in the lounge for now," he said, as he turned around and headed out but not before I saw the physical reaction I had brought up in him.

He slammed the main door behind him, and I stood still, dripping with a towel in one hand, wondering if that meant something, anything at all.


End file.
